ROCHESTER, NEW YORK – Now don’t get too excited. It is not what you are thinking of, you green-minded people. It is the new book out in the market – Oral Sex: Talking and Listening Your Way to Passionate Intimacy by Drs. Brenda Freshman and Jordan Paul. It may not be totally about oral sex but it may be beneficial to most couples. Hear that – couples. The book is said to be about communicating about sex between partners, a redefinition of the term. Meaning, it is not limited to just the sexual stimulation technique we know of. On a feature over Expanded Books, the book is said aimed at teaching couples how to listen and talk their way to greater intimacy and in turn achieve the best sex of their lives. That made you think huh! How has sex been beneficial to couples? The authors said, as a lot of people talk about sex, that maybe thru the internet and other means, but not a lot of couples about their sex lives in their own bedroom. Well, I agree with that. Though not being a married person I also see and hear several concerns most couples would raise over their relationaship. Well, we see several interviews thru television talk shows tackling such concern. It may not be that a groundbreaking view of sex but it has its own way of giving spice to several beliefs about the topic. As Dr. Freshman said, “It (the book) is about helping people understand what their wants and needs are and communicating that with their partners, in a way that not only lead to great sex but that’s emotionally as well as physically fulfilling.” Oh, that’s something. I wonder if Filipino couples will appreciate this stuff. I don’t think sex is even discussed in a couple’s private bedrooms, if there is a private bedroom in inexistence. It would seem that with the surging population, Filipino couples are satisfied with their sex lives.
Now, the authors distinguished common beliefs and heart-connected beliefs about sex. Common beliefs, Freshman said, are those that disconnects one from their heart that are usually fear-based which put things in a light of right or wrong. I guess this would refer to the church-based beliefs, with clergies giving the boot on concerns regarding sex. With this kind of perception, the authors warn, disconnects one from his or her partner and his/her ability to learn more and to communicate. I imagine a woman who doesn’t want any more argument, just opens her legs and let her partner do his thing. And when it is over, both partners just sleep.
“You have no doubt heard that the largest sex organ is the brain,” the authors put it. Hhmm, let me check on that. There is one thing I believe is bigger and acts as if it is smarter than the brain. “However, since the brain both represses and frees sexuality, the key to unlocking passion is skill in the language of sex,” they add. Maybe, if one gets too expertly engaged in this skill, even by the mere opening of his mouth would stimulate his partner.
In Chapter One, the authors opined, “Talking and listening with a heart connection during, as well as apart from, the sexual experience creates a safe place for partners to freely express themselves. Their likes, dislikes, fears, need for freedom and emotional connection, shame and fantasies can be shared in a non-judgmental atmosphere of compassion.
“Open-hearted communication is loving, exciting, illuminating and satisfying. Feeling listened to and understood encourages partners to discover new things about each other. A sense of safety blossoms into a fulfilling closeness. The trust that is built allows old wounds to be healed, sexual and emotional intimacy to deepen and new possibilities to emerge.” Nice insight. I wonder what the bishops say about this. The authors should make fine variations of this book. Will it be beneficial to couples with disabilities? Like couples who are deaf and mute or perhaps, blind couple. As we all know, communication is not mainly achieved thru vocal means.
***
Now, I know how it means when people refer to something huge as “American size.” I’m having the feel of it. And I’m telling you, I’m beginning to like it. It hurts at first but my goodness I loosened up and the rest is history. I should credit my friend, David William Smith, for letting me feel what “American size” really means. A great host, Mr. Smith has toured me around the city and to some faraway towns. But we take delight of is the usual trip to the grocery store and markets. I am practically amazed on the sizes of vegetables being displayed at stalls, especially the onions, tomatoes, leeks, cabbages and lettuces. Now I know why these things are meant to bed create by God bigger than what Asians have. Being American and physically big, a humongous meal is definitely a requirement. I’m telling you Ms Tess, if someone slaps you with these America-grown veges you’ll definitely end flat on your face. Now, that made me think why they don’t have annual tomato festival where people would throw around tomatoes at each other. If they do, they must require helmets be worn or it would be a disaster.
Showing posts with label possibly published in 2006. Show all posts
Showing posts with label possibly published in 2006. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Columnists Gone ‘Bad’
‘Memory composes a story of shames and amazements.’
Czelaw Milosz, I Should Know
Imagine two newspaper columnists with enormous libido - one is a closeted married gay man, the other is a nonagenarian bachelor who frequented brothels to satisfy his urges. It is a great deal for me to have read two novels that are incidentally written by distinguished journalists.
After taking a 10-year hiatus, Gabriel García Márquez came up with a powerful novel that transcends love, lust, and life in Memoria de mis putas tristes (Memories of my melancholy whores, translated from the Spanish by Edith Grossman; New York : Knopf, 2005. 115 pages). The 1982 Nobel Prize winner proved that he has still the literary flame, keeping the trademark García Márquez style in his prose, that is, tempered narrative technique. You’ll never get a headache reading García Márquez’s texts. It is simple enough to be read by majority of readers but critically Marquez shows aspiring writers how they should work on their prose.
Even with the opening sentence, Marquez draws an impact - "The year I turned ninety, I wanted to give myself the gift of a night of wild love with an adolescent virgin." Marquez has also chosen not to reveal the name of his protagonist. His name is not important. What is important is the element of the story and how it evolves.
Set in the 1950s in a Colombian coastal town, the story shows how the protagonist, a columnist for a Sunday newspaper El Diario de la Paz, has found love, at last, after so many trips to the brothel, with a powerful element so uncontrollable which he cannot even understand. (See, you so think columnists are invincible; they are human, too).
Told in a first-person point of view, it is a great contribution to the romantic genre. Imagine a 90-year-old man falling in love with a 14-year-old girl, certainly a virgin. The protagonist even lost count of the number of times he has had sex; it was 514 in his last count when he was at age 50, thus, “I have never gone to bed with a woman I didn’t pay, and the few who weren’t in the profession I persuaded, by argument or by force, to take money even if they threw it in the trash. When I was twenty I began to keep a record listing name, age, place, and a brief notation on the circumstances and style of lovemaking.” Imagine that. Now at age ninety, kaya pa ba ni tatang? Well, that’s the power of fiction. (Last week, I even had the pleasure of meeting a 102-year-old woman at a social lunch in a church organization here in Rochester. Well, she’s still able but I cannot think of any man in that age can be that active sexually. Okay, we have read reports about old men involved in rape cases involving minors).
Overall, Marquez has not lost the charm as a storyteller. Grossman has done an excellent translation.
The second novel is an amusing novel. Not only that it tackles gay love but it also has a controversial appeal.
Someone you know by Gary Zebrun (Alyson Books, LA, 2004, 198 pages) tells the story of a closeted columnist who got entangled in a series of controversies, primarily on the slaying of the men he had sex with. Zebrun’s character, Daniel Caruso, has a wife and a daughter whom he loves deeply but his life is a mess. Caruso lives another life far away from his reputation – a respected columnist whom people trusted.
The story began with the main character meeting a handsome firefighter in a bar, whom he ended up in bed with and whom he later learned, after waking up alone in the hunk’s pad, was brutally murdered. What was trivial was he knew that the condom his one-night-stand lover used leaked (hmm, what brand do you think it was?) but he did not stop his lover from accomplishing the act. Later he also found out a bottle of AZT tablets from the cupboard of his lover’s bathroom. AZT is the drug used to treat HIV-positive individuals. Well, our journalist author (who works as the news editor of The Providence Journal) must also be an advocate of safe-sex.
The story, told in a first-person point of view, is full with gay sexual escapades; one might think that it is the sole purpose of the story. The author takes us to the world of homosexual life – sex in bathhouses, etc. - and the bizarre twist of the story. You’ll definitely wonder who the culprit is.
The high-point of the story is our protagonist revealing to his wife and daughter that he is gay and accounted to her his sexual encounters. Even after the revelation he continued with these encounters. Well, some men cannot just control their urges.
Czelaw Milosz, I Should Know
Imagine two newspaper columnists with enormous libido - one is a closeted married gay man, the other is a nonagenarian bachelor who frequented brothels to satisfy his urges. It is a great deal for me to have read two novels that are incidentally written by distinguished journalists.
After taking a 10-year hiatus, Gabriel García Márquez came up with a powerful novel that transcends love, lust, and life in Memoria de mis putas tristes (Memories of my melancholy whores, translated from the Spanish by Edith Grossman; New York : Knopf, 2005. 115 pages). The 1982 Nobel Prize winner proved that he has still the literary flame, keeping the trademark García Márquez style in his prose, that is, tempered narrative technique. You’ll never get a headache reading García Márquez’s texts. It is simple enough to be read by majority of readers but critically Marquez shows aspiring writers how they should work on their prose.
Even with the opening sentence, Marquez draws an impact - "The year I turned ninety, I wanted to give myself the gift of a night of wild love with an adolescent virgin." Marquez has also chosen not to reveal the name of his protagonist. His name is not important. What is important is the element of the story and how it evolves.
Set in the 1950s in a Colombian coastal town, the story shows how the protagonist, a columnist for a Sunday newspaper El Diario de la Paz, has found love, at last, after so many trips to the brothel, with a powerful element so uncontrollable which he cannot even understand. (See, you so think columnists are invincible; they are human, too).
Told in a first-person point of view, it is a great contribution to the romantic genre. Imagine a 90-year-old man falling in love with a 14-year-old girl, certainly a virgin. The protagonist even lost count of the number of times he has had sex; it was 514 in his last count when he was at age 50, thus, “I have never gone to bed with a woman I didn’t pay, and the few who weren’t in the profession I persuaded, by argument or by force, to take money even if they threw it in the trash. When I was twenty I began to keep a record listing name, age, place, and a brief notation on the circumstances and style of lovemaking.” Imagine that. Now at age ninety, kaya pa ba ni tatang? Well, that’s the power of fiction. (Last week, I even had the pleasure of meeting a 102-year-old woman at a social lunch in a church organization here in Rochester. Well, she’s still able but I cannot think of any man in that age can be that active sexually. Okay, we have read reports about old men involved in rape cases involving minors).
Overall, Marquez has not lost the charm as a storyteller. Grossman has done an excellent translation.
The second novel is an amusing novel. Not only that it tackles gay love but it also has a controversial appeal.
Someone you know by Gary Zebrun (Alyson Books, LA, 2004, 198 pages) tells the story of a closeted columnist who got entangled in a series of controversies, primarily on the slaying of the men he had sex with. Zebrun’s character, Daniel Caruso, has a wife and a daughter whom he loves deeply but his life is a mess. Caruso lives another life far away from his reputation – a respected columnist whom people trusted.
The story began with the main character meeting a handsome firefighter in a bar, whom he ended up in bed with and whom he later learned, after waking up alone in the hunk’s pad, was brutally murdered. What was trivial was he knew that the condom his one-night-stand lover used leaked (hmm, what brand do you think it was?) but he did not stop his lover from accomplishing the act. Later he also found out a bottle of AZT tablets from the cupboard of his lover’s bathroom. AZT is the drug used to treat HIV-positive individuals. Well, our journalist author (who works as the news editor of The Providence Journal) must also be an advocate of safe-sex.
The story, told in a first-person point of view, is full with gay sexual escapades; one might think that it is the sole purpose of the story. The author takes us to the world of homosexual life – sex in bathhouses, etc. - and the bizarre twist of the story. You’ll definitely wonder who the culprit is.
The high-point of the story is our protagonist revealing to his wife and daughter that he is gay and accounted to her his sexual encounters. Even after the revelation he continued with these encounters. Well, some men cannot just control their urges.
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